Question One: Stress

Thank you to Liv for being inspiration for this little blog experiment and for that, here is her question and my response.

Q: What's your advice for dealing with stress? It seems like you keep bouncing back from your downs, and it makes me want to be more positive like you. What's your secret?! All I want to do is hide when I'm freaking out about stuff.

A: Well thanks Liv for believing that I bounce back and am positive! Stress is such a hard thing, isn't it? While I do not for one second believe that I hold any market on dealing well with stress I will tell you what works for me and let you decide if it is really a good way, deal?

I look at a stressful situation head on in the beginning. No sugar coating or excuses, just the hard and often painful truth. I get mad or frustrated or upset about it for a few minutes. Then, here is the beauty of my plan, you ask yourself 3 questions:

1) So, what can I do about it right now?

2) What are the "chunks" I can break it up into?

3) Does it affect my Eternal Salvation?

I do well with list and compartmentalizing things so for me this is my best plan of attach. When my car broke down these are exactly my thought processes and steps taken:

"Are you kidding me? Seriously, this is not happening...for real? Ughh! I hate this stupid car! Why can't it just work for me? I hate that nothing seems to be working and the last thing I need is to have this heap of junk act up on me now. I can't afford to fix this...Ok, so I call someone for a ride to get me where I need to go, some one to tow me and call the mechanic. After I do that it is all I can do for now. After work (or whatever is going on) I will look at my budget and figure out what I can afford and if it will be worth it to fix the car. This is annoying, but I will still make it to school/work/church and I can bum rides (as annoying as that is) from friends or co-workers heading my way. I can do this, it will be fine."

I deal methodically with each of the 3 questions in my mind. Sometimes the anger at the beginning takes longer, or the steps in the middle take longer, it all depends on the problem. But the truth is that the only way to get through stress is to go through it. Avoiding it makes that knot in my stomach bigger and I sleep less and eat weird food.

The first step of letting the anger kick in seems less important sometimes but letting myself feel that emotion, good or bad in the beginning helps to get the emotionally charged portion of it out of the way, not that I don't come back to that later, but to give myself the ability to feel whatever the emotion associated with the problem helps me.

The second step of "what can I do right now" gives me something to do, an action that allows me to feel like I am working on the problem or concern, not just sitting on it. Sometimes when there is no action to do, I bake cookies and take them to a friend or clean. I will scrub a kitchen floor with a tooth brush to help deal with the problem if I can't find anything else to do. the key is the action, I have to actively do something to keep with the process and my sanity.

And the last, does it affect my eternal salvation, helps me put into perspective what is going on. My car will not help me on my quest to return to my father in heaven. One of my biggest stresses, one that not many of my readers can sympathize with at all, is being a 29 (dangerously close to 30!) year-old LDS woman who is not married and with every year loses more of the ability to have children, in a society where family is not only a big deal, but a major part of the culture and religion. This DOES affect my eternal salvation. I cry about and worry about this in spurts in my life. I go through the lists of things I could change, fix or compromise on regularly. It is one of the hardest trials and biggest stresses in my life. It is one where my steps don't work. So, what can I do? I look for soothing words from conference talks, wise women and men and take shelter in the temple. I know there is a plan for me and just because I don't see it, doesn't mean it isn't there and that it isn't a beautiful plan. One of my favorite quotes for this is, "To those who have to wait longer in this life for the blessing of eternal marriage, I say this; The Lord will make up the difference." I take peace and comfort in that. With small reminders like that I am able to deal with the problem that has no clear cut steps for me.

For me just deciding to take things as they come and knowing that there is a plan for me, makes all the difference. I know that I am loved by many and that while my family is far away, I have a large support group here. I have talents and abilities that I can share that no one else can and because of that knowledge, I know that I can take a step back and just do what it takes to move on.

I have had my fair share of stress and trials through the years, I am no exception to that. Through my adult years (the last 10 or so) I have grown a great deal. I have put into perspective things about myself and things that I can't control, no matter how badly I want to. I have a Divine mission and purpose in life and I am better able to handle that knowing that as long as I am taking the steps needed to deal with stress and trials that my Father in Heaven will give me what I need and will bless me for my perseverance.