It's in the Water

That is what people keep telling me, "It's in the water, you'll get pregnant." 

Where is this water? I would love some of this mystical water that holds all the power over my reproductive system. 

I am happy for others to be pregnant and having babies and I think that sometime people don't understand that my sadness at not being pregnant is not connected to them being pregnant. I worry that all my friends (who are all 10 years younger than I am) will have babies and move on to the "mommy" phase and leave me again to fend for myself in a world of childlessness.

We want children. We pray for them, we do all we can to help my body and the hubs body be ready to  do what they need to to be able to get pregnant. But, does it make me less of sad infertile person to say that not having kids isn't the end of the world?

We get to travel and do things that our friends can't do with kids. Would I trade that to have kids, yes? In a heartbeat. But, it there is nothing I can do to get kids I need to learn to enjoy what I do have which is an amazing husband, time to go and do things, to travel and to love other peoples children. 

It is just conflicting emotions. To want kids, to try to be happy without kids...I never feel like it is right or enough. 

I am happy with my husband and I am happy with the life we have. Don't get me wrong at all.