I Will Not Buy Oreos Again

As was tradition in my family, while watching fireworks we enjoyed Oreo and milk every year. It was just one of those things we did. So, here it is 4th of July and this one little memory nags at me. Out of habit I bought Oreos, I regret it.

I regret it because if they are in the house I know that they are and I want some. I regret it because it makes me think of past 4th of July's and family.

I am more frustrated and upset in the last week with the family not just because of the holiday reminders but because of what is going on in my family at the moment as well. Through facebook, before they were deleted, I found out through status updates that my grandmother who is in her 70's, the one I went and took care of after her stroke, was getting baptised. That my sister's 9 month old baby was having surgery. That they were scheduling a family reunion and pictures to be taken at my grandmothers baptism, which I was not even told about much less invited to.

I can not tell you how much that information tears me apart.

It is hard so feel so unimportant and unwanted in my family who I gave all I had to. I gave up doing things I wanted to do, new clothes, vacations, money and years of my life to people who treat me like this. One thing I do know is that I will never let any children in my life feel unloved or unwanted. Even if I am frustrated or annoyed with them, I never ever want them to feel the way that I do.

Love the people in your life and let them know you love them and want them. Make sure that you never take them for granted. While I never wanted this for myself or for anyone else, I have learned how important family should be and how to not treat people you care about.

I have learned a lot through this mess. Oddly I am grateful for it and the chance to grow and be more than I am. I really wish I could manage to not have to go through it but if I have to, I am glad I am at least learning from it so that I can hopefully help someone or make a difference to someone is going through it later.

I don't think I will buy Oreos again. 4th of July or not.