Depression

It is not uncommon to go through some depression after the loss of a child, no matter how far along you were. It is also common to go through some depression after you go through a life threatening situation.

I went through both.

It comes in waves. Some days I am ok. I tear up randomly and then I am ok. I manage to maintain a relatively normal life. I go to work, I eat lunch, I clean my house. Ok, maybe I have become a bit of a crazy cleaning person. I clean obsessively at night when I am at home alone.

I look normal. I sound normal. I act normal.

And then something happens and I am in tears. Falling apart. There is no rhyme or reason to it. Sometimes it is someone asking about how I am doing. Sometimes it is the sight of a new baby. Sometimes it is the shooting pain from my incisions. It just never is the same thing.

I know time will help and that things will get better. For now, I am trying to leave the fall apart at home.