I am at a strange place in life. I am watching the people around me change and evolve and become. I watch women who used to giggle with me about how cute some guy was raise little ones of their own, others getting degrees of all kinds and being successful in careers. Some married and divorced. I see life taking hold of the people around me. I see the signs of age and wisdom among friends and the always fun responsible gene we all never thought we would get. I see the purchasing of mini vans running rampant among friends.
I watch as life swirls around them and wonder, “Am I swirling too?” Am I changing like everyone else seems to be? Sure, I don’t have the rug-rats, the mini-van or the mortgage to prove it, but my life evolves. Really. It swirls so much I get motion sick!
I may have taken much different roads than most, ok, ok, they weren’t even roads most of the time. School wasn’t really for me right out of high school. I messed around trying to find something that was for me, all the while dating the wrong guys. If they were wrong for me, I dated them. There was the one who dated me and another girl at the same time and only shared when he purposed to the other one. Then there was the one who was in it just for the make-out. He was a winner. Then the crowning jewel of men wrong for me, the guy who couldn’t commit and when the going got rough, walked away blaming me. I chose the good ones. It was easier in some ways to pick the bad ones, never had to worry about the keeping it going and making it work out.
Then there is the career that I seem to be one step behind on as well. Not to worry, it is riddled with children and telephones. I am very good at my job, I have the ability to step into a situation and see the processes at work and see where the communication and motivation lack. I can pick out weaknesses and strengths in employees quickly and build on them. I have trained 14 employees and have taken their productivity and doubled it as well as made the work environment fun and with that kept retention up. I know where my strengths are. I am very good at writing training manuals and I actually really love to do it!
I drive a car that I own out right. I don’t have payments on it, I paid for it all on my own. That doesn’t mean that it is a top of the line full of all of the latest gadgets and gizmos, but it does its job. Now I may need to have lots of things fixed, it may need to have the spark plug for the horn changed every couple months, but I can do that! I keep it running. All by myself.
I have jewelry. I may not have a diamond ring given by an adoring boyfriend, but I have some. I have a few rings that I treasure not only for the beauty but also for the sentimental reasons. I have an amethyst ring with a spec of a diamond that I bought in Vancouver Washington 10 years ago that I treasure. It was the first piece of “real” jewelry I bought myself and it reminds me of the time when I first struck out on my own and had my own money that I saved to go on vacation. The beginning of my independence. I also cherish a necklace my dad gave me as they moved away from me for the first time. It reminds me every time I see it that my daddy loves me. No matter where I am, how old I get or how hard things are, my daddy loves me. There is nothing that can mean more to me.
The swirling gets craziest when family gets involved. I watch as siblings grow up and change. I sometimes wonder where the family ends and life begins. I watch as siblings make choices and the consequences of those choices. But mostly, I realize my relationship with family changes. My family used to be my rock and my foundation my fall back when things got hard. Now, if they know what is going on in my life, it is through a blog. Not that I know much of what is going on in their lives, I don’t. Life happens and family has fallen by the wayside. I didn’t say I liked this twist in my life, I just said it was there.
My life swirls and evolves with the rest of the world, don’t underestimate me and my life stories. There will be evolution, just don’t think my evolution will be following any path anyone else has seen. I have a knack for finding my own path. Stay tuned for my twists and turns.
3 comments:
Isn't it weird to change? In my mind, I am still 19. Is that weird? Like, the clocks all stopped when I got married?? Of course, I never claimed to be sane.
I don't want to turn 30.
You know I used to be caught up in what my lofe looks like "on paper". By worldy standards we are not all that impressive, but we are happy. I think that is all that matters, I am impressed that you take a path that works for you. No matter what anyone else thinks. I heard a quote by mother teressa today at church, and the end of it says something to the effect that you life is never between you and everyone else it is between you and God. I will try to find the actual quote, but I hope you get the idea.
Emily, someone asked me how old I was the other day and I said, without thinking, 23. Ok, 29 is not really that close to 23...but I don't feel any older than that. I think 30 sounds fun...as long as I don't look 30. haha.
Liz, That is how I try to live my life. I am always against the grain. It is fun for me. There is a freedom and sense of accomplishment in doing it on my own. Happiness is liking who and where you are. And I am happy.
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