Blessed

I had the most amazing four days. I wish I could put into words what I really feel, but I know that these words could never express what I have felt lately.

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We all know I have had a rough year all around. I have struggled with so many things and have had moments when I was really low. I have also had miracles of the grandest kinds show up in my life. It has been a year of amazing and heartbreaking moments.

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I had the opportunity to attend the temple 3 times in four days and really enjoyed every moment of it. I had the chance to do a session, a bunch of sealings and some baptisms as well. It was so amazing to see the whole process in a few days. It was such an amazing experience for me. I felt so calm and peaceful and so sure that I am known by my Father in Heaven and that there is plan for me. An amazing, spectacular and perfect plan for me. I don’t pretend to know anything about it or how it will work out; I just know that it will.

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I was so blessed to have shared these amazing experiences with wonderful people. People who, for reasons I sometimes don’t understand, love and want to be with me. I realized just how much some people care for and about me. I am just so blessed to have a realization about how loved and needed I am right here where I am.

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It is no secret that I love my family. It is also no secret that things have not been well between my family and I in the last few months. For reasons I don’t understand and with many tears I have struggled with feeling alone and unwanted by my family. It has been an unreal experience. Through this last weekend I have realized that no matter what, no matter how hard and frustrated we all are at the moment, my family is forever. What a blessing to know that no matter what I am sealed to my parents and siblings. How grateful I am for that.

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I am so grateful for the chance to share this weekend and these experiences with Logan. He has been my family in the last few months and I can not express how grateful I am for having him as a part of my life. He has listened as I cried in pain and anger. He danced with me when I just needed to get out of it all. He taught me to play xbox. He challenged me to read the Book of Mormon by the end of the year and checks to make sure I am on my way. He fixes my doors, vacuums my floor and tells me that I am a great cook. He helps pick out guys that are good for me and doesn’t let me settle for anything less than what I deserve. I wish I could express how grateful I am for his encouragement and friendship. Our friendship has grown as we serve together in the temple, on our Mid-Singles committee and each other. I have grown to love him and him me. I know that this is sadly only a limited time thing, one day both of us will get married and I won’t have him around like I do now. I am grateful to have had him at all. He will make some girl very happy one day.

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I know that I am blessed. I know while struggles seem to follow me at the moment that I am blessed and that I would do it all again. I would feel all the fear, dejection, heartache and frustration to be who I am and where I am today. I love who I have become and I am grateful for the roads that led me here.