So, I have been on birth control for a few months now, trying to get my issues under control. I am all for doing all I can to save what little I have left to save, in hopes that I might one day have my own children, but can I just say that right about now, I am starting to look more closely at the option of just adopting when the time comes.
Without going into tons of detail, it's not working. Even being on the pill has not been enough to fix the problem. Each month I have high hopes, but am plagued by massive cramps, clotting and bleeding. As we try new methods I grow hopeful and then cry as they don't work.
I know that while I am not trying to have children right now, that it still is hard to think to the future when one day I will wish that I could and won't be able to. I am coming to grips with it now, and that is a blessing to know the complications and problems now so that it isn't a surprise later when I was trying, but is still heartbreaking. As a child you imagine and talk about when you will have your own "babies" and the reality that I won't be is hard.
I watch friends and sisters have children and I am so grateful for the blessings they are given, that they don't have to deal with this. I am grateful that I get time to deal with it before I have to cry at not getting pregnant. As hard as it is, it is a blessing. I will be able to sympathize and comfort those who also share my heartbreak. How grateful I am for that.
Without going into tons of detail, it's not working. Even being on the pill has not been enough to fix the problem. Each month I have high hopes, but am plagued by massive cramps, clotting and bleeding. As we try new methods I grow hopeful and then cry as they don't work.
I know that while I am not trying to have children right now, that it still is hard to think to the future when one day I will wish that I could and won't be able to. I am coming to grips with it now, and that is a blessing to know the complications and problems now so that it isn't a surprise later when I was trying, but is still heartbreaking. As a child you imagine and talk about when you will have your own "babies" and the reality that I won't be is hard.
I watch friends and sisters have children and I am so grateful for the blessings they are given, that they don't have to deal with this. I am grateful that I get time to deal with it before I have to cry at not getting pregnant. As hard as it is, it is a blessing. I will be able to sympathize and comfort those who also share my heartbreak. How grateful I am for that.
2 comments:
I am glad you are trying to look on the bright side! But I can imagine it is really hard. I hope that your health problems get better soon. But I know that no matter how children will come into your life, and they will you will love them with your whole heart.
Ah Liz, it is so true. I am blessed with amazing children that surround me. One day I will be a mother, either step, by adoption or foster and will love them more fiercely because of what it took to have them in my life. I am just blessed to have the knowledge that I am not alone.
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