Complications

Today I am nauseated. The pregnancy hormones are dropping and that is good...but a reminder.

I also spent last night in the ER. It was so not a fun night. I have had so many narcotics in the last week that I was so beyond constipated. So...that made for a fun evening. Lots of morphine and that helped.

I am depressed. There is no way around it. I am just so overwhelmed with emotion that I don't know where to start. Some days I am very clinical of the situation and talk about it almost like it was a shopping trip. Other times, I cry. I cry a lot.

I don't sleep much.

I don't have an appetite.

I am sad that I lost my baby.

Part of me is dying to try again. I want to be pregnant again and I want to be able to experience that. I am scared in the same breath. I don't want the same thing to happen again. Could I really lose another child?

I keep praying for peace. I will never understand why and won't ever forget but I need peace.