I Want The Experience

It is hard to explain this to people. I want to experience all being a mother is. We have talked more about fostering children or adopting and we just feel like we can't stop trying to conceive on our own. Which many people don't understand. I am amazed at the things people feel comfortable saying to me when I say we are continuing to try on own with our RE.

"After this long, don't you think you would have conceived by now? Why keep trying?"

"You aren't going to get pregnant, just adopt already."

"Being pregnant isn't all fun and awesome. It would just be easier to adopt."

"You should just enjoy not having kids, mine drive me crazy."

Really? What part of me saying we are trying to get pregnant because we want to, that we spend lots of time and money each month trying makes you think any of those things are ok?

One week post O. I don't expect to get pregnant but it will sure be nice to just see AF and know we can try again that cycle. 

Shocked

I was a crying mess today. I cried at everything. I have twinges of pain in the kidney's/bladder, I'm tired and just emotional. So I cried about peoples baby pictures, about pregnancy posts on FB and upon reading articles about kids being left in hot cars. 

Then I did an OPK. It was totally and 100% positive. 

I was shocked. SHOCKED.

(taken after it had dried, but still looks just as positive!)

No meds this cycle and I can't remember the last time I ovulated on a non-medicated cycle. I stared at it forever thinking I was dreaming. I wasn't.

So, it the midst of the crazy of the last few weeks my body at least decided to ovulate. Unmedicated. So there is hope. I needed to remember that and keep that in mind. 

Just Sad

I just recently ovulated. It is always great to know I actually ovulated. I am normally really optimistic after ovulation until about 13-14 dpo. My normal LP is 16-18 days, which is so evil. Before I was on femara it was 13 days and it has since lengthened by 5 whole days! How mean.

This time I am not optimistic at all. My ovaries, or at least where I always feel them, is sore and more painful than normal and I am just concerned that it was cysts in there too. Not to mention it was on the right side which is the side that I have the legions on so I am just not convinced that we have a shot this cycle. One more month of negatives and I am tired.

I also have watch as 4 people had babies this week and another few ready to pop and a few even announcing new pregnancies. I just feel sad about it today. Not angry or frustrated, just sad.

Optimistic

I recently ovulated. Something everyone needs to know.  My body feels the ovulation by way of cramps every cycle and about two day after, exhaustion sets in. I can hardly stay awake. It is a side affect from hormones but it kills me. I also suffer from bouts of vertigo and I am often caught off guard by them. 

I am at a unique stage in a cycle. I am hopeful that this could be the month, that magically that sperm finds that egg that is good quality and it sticks. I am optimistic and excited. I like this part of the cycle. I wish I could be in this state of mind more often.