Until Today

I have always been aware that getting pregnant was not going to be easy for me. I have been realitively ok with the process an time it has taken so far. I have been fine with it all.

Until today.

A long time co-worker and friend of mine shared that she was pregnant. 16 weeks actually. I was so shocked and happy for her.

Then, out of the blue it was anguish. They hardly had to try and I am on 15 months of trying. I have been subjected to poking and prodding and tests. I daily take medicine to help me get pregant. I take fertility drugs that make me nauseated, emotional and exhausted. I called my husband and cried. And cried and cried.

I feel alone in this. I feel like "trying" has become a job for us. Each month we work a little harder and try something new. It just upsets me so much. I can't stand how angry and emotional I was. I hated how lonely I felt and how completely inadequate I suddenly felt. As those around me are excited about their babies I long to be given the chance.

I just needed to not be so alone in this today. I know that we are all in this place at some point and I really needed to know I had people, somewhere who understood my heartache.

I pray for patience, understanding and faith today. I pray to be prepared for
The day when I get to have children. I pray for the chance to be able to one day hold another woman up and listen with understanding ears as she weeps tears for the chance to be a mother too.