Its Getting So Close!

I'm in the home stretch of waiting for he cruise. I can hardly wait! We have booked everything but the airline tickets so far. those come this week.

We are doing some amazing things on the cruise. A jeep tour, swimming with dolphins, lots of beaches, zip lines, Mayan ruins, cooking with a renowned chef...and I can hardly wait. I have been working on this vacation forever it seems and I can hardly wait to have my chance to just take a week away from everything and enjoy the single life I love so much.

I have lost enough weight that I am happy to put on a bathing suit and play in the water and that feels good! The new wardrobe of sale rack items for the cruise makes me happy. I love that I got some super cheap clothes at the end of the season that I liked for the cruise. I can come home and not wear them again and feel like I got the $3-$5 worth I spent on my of them. I can even zip up my end of the year goal dress! It doesn't look great yet, but it zips and that is half that battle. I am not even sure that it will fit at the end of the year.

This last month was a battle, with being so sick and all, but I have learned to rely more on the love of my father in heaven. What greater blessing could I possibly be given? I am amazed daily at his love for me and I just live each day to the fullest in hopes that I live up to the potential he has given me.

Gratitude

So, if you paid attention, I did a guest post on a blog the other day. I was so nervous to share such a personal and emotional thing, my weight loss journey. It took two weeks to write and re-write it and add pictures and take them off...there was a lot of second guessing. I really had a lot of nerves. A lot.

I have been so overwhelmed!

I am just amazed at the beautiful words of others.

I have cried over emails and comments and been so grateful that I could seriously scream. I am so beyond words.

"reading your blog inspired me today I am not alone, and you are a big example to me ..."

" Just read your post on Or She Says. It was fantastic and such an awesome story! Very inspiring! "


"I tweeted about this! it's so inspirational!"

"My favorite thing that you said was "your life will only change as much as you want it to." So very true! "

"Wow, that is so inspiring! Thanks for being brave and showing your before and after pictures!"

"You look fabulous and thanks for the motivation :) "


Those were just a few of the comments made and I can't even tell you about the emails! I have so much gratitude in my heart for the amazing chance I have been given to touch other people. I am so blessed!

ATTENTION!

NEWS!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, first and most important...

I HIT THE 100 LB MARK! YIPPPEEEE!!!!!

*excuse me as I do a dance and jump up and down*

Ok, so in honor of that I have set up a photo shoot and will have some pretty awesome pictures to show off soon. I have also contracted with this photographer to do a series of photo shoots with me over the next year. Some at my races, at the gym, just all around in my life so that you guys can follow it. It is pretty amazing really.

Also, because of this, I am going to be part of a promo for my gym/trainer! Videos of me training will be up online showing progressions of Olympic lifts and such. As well as some printed posters and stuff. WOOHOO!!!

Also, in honor of this, I am going to be a featured guest blogger on "Or So She Says" sometime in the next few weeks. I share some pretty intimate details about my weight loss journey and my tips. Which will of course be linked back to my "Fit With a Side of Cheesecake" blog which is where you will be able to read all about my journey.

And my 5k is only 2 weeks away.

Is anyone else as excited about this as me? I don't think that they are.

Picnic Lunch

I had lunch at the park with my dear friend Liz and her two adorable kids today. I love them to death. Liz still puts me at ease and I can complain or laugh or cry or chatter non stop and she takes it all in and tell me what she thinks. Everyone needs a friend like that. She takes my side on things when I need it and sometimes tells me I am being a nerd when I am.

I am also donning a bit of a sunburn as well. Maybe it was because I was wearing new shorts that I bought a month ago, two sizes to small and they fit already! wahoo! and a new shirt that has a tag that says large. Oh and shoes that are only a size 7 1/2. Not a big deal to many people, but friends, big deal to me! To look at myself in the mirror and know I have a ways to go yet, but that I also already look amazing, yipppeee!

If only I could manage to find some jeans that fit half as well as these shorts I would be happy.

Fit With A Side Of Cheesecake

So, in order to more fully understand and live what I am going through with my weight loss, I am have been asked/encouraged to write a blog focusing solely on that. So, I did.

This is a very raw and stripped blog. There is no sugar coating or niceties involved with my everyday struggles and successes. I am passing along to the link to you, but beware...It may not always be pretty. In fact, it rarely is. But, it is the reality of what is like for someone like me to have to work to be what I never thought I could be.

http://fitwithasideofcheesecake.blogspot.com/

Enjoy it or not, but know it is the hardest and greatest writing I think I have ever done.

Who Am I?

Sometimes I stop and look at myself and ask the question, "who am I?"

Not because I don't know who I am, I do. I just have done so many things lately that seem crazy to me or unlike me, but aren't unlike me. Does that make sense?

I have started this crossfit training. It is killer! I can hardly move sometimes! Today we did a bear crawl, Dumbbell Swing and Burpee circuit for 18 minutes after a pretty good warm up. Doesn't sound too bad but it is killer, believe me. After at 30 minute session of squats, I think I totalled out at 16 per 20 second interval and we had 20 intervals...so...It just seems crazy that I can do it. That I don't burn out and have to stop. I pushed through all of them and was ok. I enjoyed, not tolerated a protein shake to end it all. Seems so out of character!

I got a bike for Easter. Nice. I got all the bits and pieces to go with it too. The helmet, lock, blinking lights for night riding, water bottle and the carrying case that attaches to the back to haul grocceries in. Yeah, you read that right, grocceries. See, I am riding my bike to work and to the store and just about anywhere I can. Seriously?

We got solar powered fans to install to reduce our electric bill.

We got a compost turner to help with the greenhouse and the plants we also bought. Those of course match the indoor fruit trees that were purchased this week.

I went out shopping yesterday and tried on clothes only to find I had gone down another pants size and am loving how great the large shirts fit. I gave away no less than 20 shirt, sweaters and jackets this weekend that were too big. All except my one "before" shirt.

I also weighed in at another 5 pounds gone this week. That my friends takes me to two pounds until the 100 mark!

So you can see why I might be asking myself, "Who am I?" right?

Vindication!

As everyone knows I have been working really hard in the last year to improve my health and lifestyle. I have done all kinds of things from various diet changes, to all kinds of work outs. My success has included losing 90 lbs, lifting crazy amounts of weight and feeling lots more energetic.

I have also struggled a great deal. Going from no activity (or little) to very vigorous and regular activity is taxing. I push really hard. I have struggled a great deal lately.

I have been at a relative stand still in the last few months. I have lost a few pounds, gained a few pounds. Not moving much at all. It has been a very emotional time. I have struggled with a constant hunger. I eat my normal meals, well balanced and regular. I eat snacks regularly. And I have a gnawing hunger after an hour or so. It is frustrating to feel hunger all the time and very taxing emotionally when you are trying to limit your caloric intake and you are starving. I had more than a few very emotional days where I was in tears because I was so hungry and so afraid to eat as much as my body seemed to want for fear it would not only derail my progress but become my biggest fear, a binge. I talked it out with many friends at the gym from multiple trainers and people trained in the wellness industry. Many, if not all, have said that it may be in my head that I am so hungry. An emotional reaction to the changes. I wanted to agree, but it was not in my head that I was hungry which was even more emotionally frustrating for me. I just couldn't get anyone to understand.

So, after consulting with my trainers, dietitians and friends I ran some tests. I did an RMR. A Resting Metabolic Rate test. It shows how much your body burns each day by just sitting, how much you spend by doing everyday activities and then about how much you would burn with a 1/2 hr work out a day. The results were shocking.

At rest I burn 2319 calories a day. Everyday bits and pieces burns another 693 calories and with a moderate 1/2 workout I burn another 289 calories. So I burn about 3300 calories a day. The test results also say I have a very fast burning metabolism. So what does that mean for me? I was not exaggerating, I was starving myself. In order to maintain my current weight I would have to consume about 2500 calories a day and to be losing I should be consuming 1800. And I had been on a diet that allowed me 1300 a day! I was starving!

I share this not only to let some of the emotional stress about it go, but to share how important it is to regularly make sure you paying attention to what your body is telling you. Even if others try to tell you it is in your head or an emotional reaction, do what you feel you need to. It is worth it.

Today is the first day in a month I have not been hungry. The first day I have cried tears of relief instead of frustration. Today is the first day to being back on track and it feels so good.

4x the Weight

I am feeling great. I rocked at the gym today doing 4x the weight I thought I could do! I really realized how much I have changed as a person in the last year.

I have always been determined. I want to do things my own way and as many people could tell you, I stood my ground on the things I wanted, believed or thought. I haven't changed that determination just refocused it. I am determined to push myself to the limits. If it means adding weight or doing more reps, I'll push until I can't.

I can not take all the credit for my success. I owe it to a few other people as well.

My trainer, you have heard me mention him a few times, is amazing. He took me from doing a few lunges, fake sit-ups, barely push-ups to 100's of lunges, 100's of hollow rocks (harder than sit-ups!) and more push-ups than I like to think about. He never stopped pushing me to do more, encouraging me when I felt weak and not wanting to try anymore and amazed at how great I am today. He helped me set up regular workout routines, diet helps and a shoulder to complain to about my diet, workout and stress in relation to the whole thing. I am happy to have Zack as my trainer.

My friend Carrie offered initial diet tips and snack ideas when I was at a loss.

My friend Chantal for believing in me and what I could do it.

While my physical appearance has changed a lot and that is what many people see, it is really more of a change on the inside. Knowing I can do, want to do and have the ability to know that the only person that really matters in all of this, is me.

Giant Vats of Spaghetti

I have gone a whole week without having any pasta. Last night I had dreams of giant vats of spaghetti that I couldn't eat.

I have cut out all the rice, cereal (ugh!) and bread too. I had to use up the last of the stuff I had. Now I am only completely the hunter/gatherer diet.

I am lucky I don't have cravings really (except in my sleep I suppose) and am feeling fine mostly. I just sometimes can't believe I eat so much and then am still hungry. I can have unlimited fruit and veggies and most of meals involves salad and fruit and meat of some kind. I am amazed that I have already lost weight too. If this keeps up I will be able to be off the diet soon and be able to modify my regular diet to include less of the stuff I don't so much need. Off to go find some more fruit and some recipes. If you have some that will fit my new diet, please let me know! Variety is lacking for me.

One At A Time

Amazing little tidbit...I did a pull up today. Sounds little and dumb and insignificant, but I have never in my life been able to do a pull up. Never. So that I could pull with all my might and get one is amazing. I have been watching as I suddenly wonder why my "new" pants keep falling off, or why my favorite sweater doesn't fit so well in anymore. I am amazed. I am amazed that I feel so great. I am amazed that as of today, I have lost 88 pounds since last may. Only 12 more to meet the great 100 lb mark, which my goal. I want to have lost 100 lbs in a year. I am pretty sure I can do it. So, watch for before and after pics when that day comes and copious amounts of bragging.

Real Love

Today I spent my afternoon making snowmen, doing yoga and singing Christmas songs. I got a million hugs today. I had three people tell me that I looked great, and found out that out of everyone in the gym, I lost the most weight out of everyone in six months. That includes all members and employees.

I tried on things that had been sitting in my closet for years, that haven't fit and was happy to find some that hadn't fit in 5 years fit and some that I just missed and now are too big all together.

Today I had two people ask me to spend the holidays with them.

I had dinner with my dear friend Tricia, got a message from Liz J., heard from a ton of my old school Prescott friends including my best friends from High School, Beverly, Jason and Alicia.

Today, I remembered what it is like to be really loved. Unconditionally, faults and all loved. That is what the season is about. It is about remembering what is important and why. It is feeling close the ones you love and knowing that no matter what, they love you back. Thank you my dear friends, for reminding me.

Saggy Butt Jeans

I bought these jeans in July. When I bought them they fit really well, in fact, so well that they were a little tight so I wouldn't really wear them much. I started wearing them in September and now...I have to wear a belt with them if I have any hope of keeping them on!

Excuse the fuzziness of the first one, it is hard to take a picture with one hand of yourself. But check me out! NICE! And check out the butt pic...jeans all nice and saggy!

I share this because I am proud of myself and because it means that if I can do it, anyone can! I may have indulged in cheese balls and pie over thanksgiving (but that is all! I did pretty good!) but I managed to not gain last week. I didn't lose, but I didn't gain. I can handle a week of nothing considering how much junk I ate! haha

Before and After

Well, my friends this week has been crazy.

I would wake in the morning have oatmeal, toast, fruit and a glass of milk about 7:30 and by 10:30 I would be starving! I thought that there was something wrong with me. So I mentioned it to my trainer and he laughed at me! Apparently my metabolism has sped up (NICE!) so I have to eat more frequently. It is the hardest thing to get used to! Six meals a day sounds way more fun than it is.

Having spent hours at the gym each week (between 7-8) and changing my diet I have really done a lot. In fact this week I hit the 60 pound mark. Yeah, that is right friends, 60 pounds down! I can hardly believe it.

So I thought I would share a little before and after. I am shocked myself at the difference. I can hardly believe it. Down 2 cup sizes, a whole shoe size, am now wearing Large shirts in instead of XXL and am down 3 jeans sizes!

Here are some horrible before's. I can't believe it when I look at the pictures.

I cringe when I look at those pictures. What was I thinking? I have no idea. I am just so happy that I finally woke up and decided that it was time to just do something. So my friends, after months of hard work, a stress fracture in my tibia and lots of ill fitting clothes, this is how I looked as of Monday evening...

Now I know that I am not done and that I still have work to do...but wow. The change is surprising! I will always have a large chest, it is something I think I will always have to deal with until the day comes when I can justify a reduction, and believe me I am always looking for a way. But wow. I am working on getting some better shots of me but this is what I have. Still, considering where I was, this is awesome.

Small Victories

After some set backs at the beginning of the year, I have worked hard to make some lifestyle changes. Changed my diet (ok, so not tonight, pizza and ice cream for dinner...but a girl gets one crazy guilty pleasure meal, even if it was the light, all natural, fake sugar, ice cream and wheat pizza crust with more pineapple than cheese, but still more cheese than was probably the best for me) and spent more time at the gym.

For me coming from my family, that is huge. Exercise to most of them is a walk around the mall. Body image has plagued all of us. Anoxerics, bulimics, vegetarians, over-weight and health issues are all in the family. So, seriously taking the reins and changing things is a big deal. Emotionally as well as physically. My weight was a self inflicted punishment. I hid behind it, I blamed failures and heartache on it. Losing that "safety net" and "scape goat" are not easy. It is also not easy to share it with the world. If someone doesn't like me, I can blame it on the weight. If I lose that then what do I blame it on? Like I said, not the easiest life change, but a good one.

I hate missing a work out with my trainer because I like being able to prove I can do things and prove that I am stronger and more motivated than people think. Like this week, doing 200 lbs on the leg press and doing three sets of 15 of pulling my own body weight up from a laid back position. Or doing an insane number of push-ups. I can hold my own and shock a few people on the way too.

I am finally getting back to the running part, which I am totally bummed about. I hope to have done more this year with it, but that I started and haven't given up in August is a big deal.

Another big deal, I had to buy new pants because mine were hanging off me. About two months ago a bought a pair that were slightly snug, I put them on today and they are baggy and hanging off of me. My friends, I can not tell you how that feels! Literally, I don't believe it. My weight is a little stagnant at the moment, but the inches aren't. I have lost 5 inches my friends. 5. I have muscle definition in my legs (always been my best muscles, I have killer legs and they are only getting better) and arms. It is almost crazy how addicting it can become to see those results.

I am no where near done or happy with where I am at. I have lots more work to do. I may have gotten rid of the break-up weight of a few boyfriends but the big one still sits there on my hips taunting me. If there is one thing you can count on, it is the fact that I am tired of hearing his voice when I try something on.

I am telling you my friends, this is a rough journey. It is hard to change something that has always been a part of you. With that said, is it worth it? Yes.